Hemmed In

This is, arguably, one of my most and least favorite concepts of walking with God.  To be “hemmed in” by Him.

You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me. Psalm 139:5

I have been having a “hemmed in” kind of summer.  And it has been really painful.  And it has been really wonderful, too.

I tend to think that when I am suffering, it is because I am being disciplined for some unresolved sin that I am unaware I have committed or that I have made a mistake and am being harshly corrected.  As if God is trying to get my attention by punishing me.  Because I tend to think pain is always (or often) a very bad thing, something to be avoided at all costs.

I am not suggesting that there isn’t a sin to be exposed ever or that mistakes that I make do not require correction.  But, what I am finding to be true in my walk with God is entirely the opposite.  God is usually hemming me in because He has something better for me – a God’s best, life-changing, life-giving kind of thing.  Some Kingdom Treasure that I cannot yet see.  And He is getting me prepared to open the eyes of my heart to receive it.

I was part of a team that offered a women’s retreat in May.  It was a hard-fought offering, resulting in a glorious time.  God blessed me with some new visions for my future in that process and I got really excited for what He was showing me was coming. 

And then…things got quiet.  Really quiet.  Too quiet.

With all of these desires stirred, I looked for evidence of what He might be ushering in.  Surely, we were just around the corner from these very exciting, fulfillment-of-dreams kinds of activities that I was told were coming.

But things have stayed quiet.

In the quiet, He has revealed to me some deep hidden treasures of my heart.  Other dreams, redemption of things lost that I didn’t know were missing.  Healing.  Freedom.  Wonderful, glorious things – many of which are some of God’s dreams for me, but seemingly small from my vantage point.  Kingdom things that I desperately needed.

As I wait, as I vacillate between joy and suffering, He keeps bringing me to a deeper center.  He keeps stirring ache.  Longing.  He keeps bringing deep healing and freedom.  This is what it means to live with a fully alive heart.  A heart of flesh instead of a heart of stone.  To have both this joy and this suffering gives me a deeper revelation of the very heart of God.  What He experiences.  What He endures.  What He longs for.  So I will sit, content to be “hemmed in,” while He brings me to deeper treasures and delivers me into the promised land.