The Treasure of the Kingdom

I have written previously about experiencing seasons of being “hemmed in” by God.  Seasons in which things in my life have been quiet and there was no apparent outlet for creative ideas and visions to be expressed.  Those were often discouraging times that left me with a bit of a broken heart.  Times when I was confused about God’s direction for my life, confused about whether the dreams He has begun to stir and vision that He provided were ever going to be used or released.

Proverbs 13:12 says it well when it states that “hope deferred makes the heart sick.”  I have definitely experienced a heart-sick feeling in many recent seasons of my life.

However, God has recently been impressing upon me why He has hemmed me in at various times. 

Over the course of the last 5 years especially, God has shown me what is most precious to His heart.  He has shown me that what is most precious to His heart is my heart.  That my heart is the treasure of His kingdom.  Not my service to Him, not my potential to advance the Kingdom, not my ability to be productive for good (and even great) purposes, but my heart.

That is a pretty radical thought, given the world that we live in.  We live in a world and a system in which productivity and profit and gain is often valued over health, wholeness, quality of life and relationship. 

This is as true in the world as it is in the church.  Well-meaning people who want to “do” for God, want good things to help the world and the body of Christ, who just don’t place value in the treasure of the human heart.  I submit it is because they just don’t understand the importance of it.

What value does God place on the human heart? Well, He says in Proverbs 4:23 "above ALL else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."  So I submit that it is of the utmost importance to Him.

The shift in my heart since beginning to understand this has been considerable.  What used to feel like heart-sickness has transformed into heart-fullness.  I feel loved, really loved.  That God has quieted my circumstances in order to pour love into me.  He has protected me from “good” things in order to set me apart for great things.  The greatest being receiving much needed love from Him.  He has invested so much in me and wants to guard that which He has poured in.  I am in awe of that kind of love.

My hope is that you will reflect on the seasons in your own life of being hemmed in and ask God to reveal to you, with fresh eyes and a soft heart, His loving purposes in doing so.

Peace and joy to you.  

Being the Bride, Part One

I love God with my whole heart and that is miraculous to me.  I don't love Him perfectly, but whatever part of my heart is currently free belongs to Him.  

One of my biggest “missions” in life is that all people (including myself) would experience more fully the transforming, healing and restorative Love of God.  That we would turn our hearts toward Him and let His love in.  That we would say "yes" to being His bride.

God’s word talks about how He feels about His bride:

You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace.  Song of Songs 4:9

As a young man marries a young woman, so will your Builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.  Isaiah 62:5

The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom’s voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete.  John 3:29

Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Revelation 19:7

It is a beautiful and critically important correlation for God to describe His relationship with the church as a relationship between a bridegroom and a bride.   

When I think back on being a bride, I was over-the-top in love with my (now) husband.  He was my knight in shining armor.  We had a whirlwind romance.  He wanted me so much that he asked me – invited me – to marry him.  I was overjoyed to say “yes” and was blown away with the fact that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.   What is amazing is that, for as much as I loved him then, I love him so much more now.  It is a deeper love, a stronger love.  One tried in the fire of pressure and the mundane, time, aging, raising a child, dealing with the disappointments and setbacks of life, dealing with and accepting growth and change. 

I think being a bride is really a process.  And I wonder how often the Body of Christ identifies with being the bride the way that I have just described it. 

God wants a bride.  He is rescuing us.  He is wooing us.  He is inviting us to a marriage – an eternal one, with eternity starting now.  One born out of, first, falling in love and then, forged in the fire of living life and learning what it truly means to love and be loved. 

As believers in Christ, I wonder how often we see that this marriage relationship is THE priority with God.  How often do we get caught up in “priorities” -- good priorities, but much lesser ones -- than simply being His bride.   Who is God towards His bride?  What does His bride look like?  What is her heart towards her Betrothed?  What does she do, as result of that experiential knowledge of the overflowing love of her Betrothed towards her and all of His creation?  What is the business she is to concern herself with, in that role? 

For starters, we need to see Jesus ‘ answer to the Pharisee, an expert in the law, whose question to Him was “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”:

Matthew 22:37-40

³⁷ Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’^{[a] 38} This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^{[b] 40} All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Given the scriptures, as His bride, this really starts to address these questions I have posed.  As a first and primary priority, are we FIRST pursuing the command to love the Lord our God with our whole being?  And THEN, are we loving ourselves?  AND, are we loving our neighbors?  What does that love manifest as?  What are our corresponding actions towards God, ourselves and others out of that love?

These questions and thoughts are meant to provoke my own heart and those who read this to further ponder what it means to love and to be about the business of “loving.”  This is an invitation to read God’s word, really meditate on it, linger in the questions and wrestle with the answers. 

Wrestling is good.  Jacob wrestled with God and wouldn’t let go until God blessed Him.  And boy, did God bless him!  For starters, God bestowed upon Him the name Israel – one who contends with God.

Wrestling and contending – yeah, that sounds like a marriage to me! 

Peace and love.

The Exquisite Gift of No Condemnation

I was at the Women of Faith conference this last weekend and I saw some artwork for sale that I was driven to purchase.  It was a depiction of Jesus in His suffering. 

I used to see pictures like this and shudder.  Ever since I saw the movie The Passion of the Christ and wept through the entire scourging of Christ (which was vivid and extreme), I have had a hard time taking in the imagery of Christ’s suffering.  It is violent, for sure.  But my reason for wanting to turn away was because of my guilt over it.  Jesus died for my sins.  He paid this price for me, He was whipped and killed for me.   A sinless man, the Son of God, was tortured, beaten, humiliated and killed for me.

The deepest lie that I have lived with in my life is that I am fundamentally “unworthy.”  And I have had lots of evidence presented to me by the enemy of my soul that this is true.  Many things in my life have led me to the conclusion that I am unworthy.  “Only worthy people get “x” result – and since you don’t get “x” result, you are, by definition, unworthy.”  And the statements of evidentiary support from the accuser go on and on.

As I went to purchase this artwork and was compelled (yes compelled, driven even) to purchase it, I realized that I was desperate to buy it.  And my desperation came from an utterly transformed place in my soul and it is as follows:

I CAN NEVER REJECT THE SUFFERING OF CHRIST.  Because if I forget that He already suffered, I will forget that He has already paid the ultimate price for my sin.  He already paid for everything I have done wrong and will ever do wrong.  The sin that I have committed most in my life is this:  I have sinned in continuing to condemn myself.  I have agreed with the enemy that I am unworthy and thus, unable to receive the full measure of forgiveness, wholeness, grace and inheritance made available to me through my acceptance of Christ as my Lord and Savior.  I have rejected that Christ has already paid the price for my sin of self-condemnation and accordingly, agreed with the enemy that Christ's payment was not enough to set me free.

When I accept Christ in His suffering, I also accept His death and resurrection - all of which make all of God's dreams and plans for me possible.  His dreams that I will fulfill the call on my life – live the purposes He created me to live.  His dreams that I will embrace the person that He made me to be, so that I can shine for Him in this dark place.  His dreams for intimacy with me, for my healing, my wholeness, my joy and peace, my life lived to the fullest.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1 (NIV)

So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1 (NLT)

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.  Isaiah 53:5 (NIV)

My prayer for all reading this is that you will receive the full measure of God’s blessing on you.  That you will walk in the freedom of NO CONDEMNATION through Christ.  He came so that you would have life and have it to the full (John 10:10).  Peace and joy to you!

 

Hemmed In

This is, arguably, one of my most and least favorite concepts of walking with God.  To be “hemmed in” by Him.

You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me. Psalm 139:5

I have been having a “hemmed in” kind of summer.  And it has been really painful.  And it has been really wonderful, too.

I tend to think that when I am suffering, it is because I am being disciplined for some unresolved sin that I am unaware I have committed or that I have made a mistake and am being harshly corrected.  As if God is trying to get my attention by punishing me.  Because I tend to think pain is always (or often) a very bad thing, something to be avoided at all costs.

I am not suggesting that there isn’t a sin to be exposed ever or that mistakes that I make do not require correction.  But, what I am finding to be true in my walk with God is entirely the opposite.  God is usually hemming me in because He has something better for me – a God’s best, life-changing, life-giving kind of thing.  Some Kingdom Treasure that I cannot yet see.  And He is getting me prepared to open the eyes of my heart to receive it.

I was part of a team that offered a women’s retreat in May.  It was a hard-fought offering, resulting in a glorious time.  God blessed me with some new visions for my future in that process and I got really excited for what He was showing me was coming. 

And then…things got quiet.  Really quiet.  Too quiet.

With all of these desires stirred, I looked for evidence of what He might be ushering in.  Surely, we were just around the corner from these very exciting, fulfillment-of-dreams kinds of activities that I was told were coming.

But things have stayed quiet.

In the quiet, He has revealed to me some deep hidden treasures of my heart.  Other dreams, redemption of things lost that I didn’t know were missing.  Healing.  Freedom.  Wonderful, glorious things – many of which are some of God’s dreams for me, but seemingly small from my vantage point.  Kingdom things that I desperately needed.

As I wait, as I vacillate between joy and suffering, He keeps bringing me to a deeper center.  He keeps stirring ache.  Longing.  He keeps bringing deep healing and freedom.  This is what it means to live with a fully alive heart.  A heart of flesh instead of a heart of stone.  To have both this joy and this suffering gives me a deeper revelation of the very heart of God.  What He experiences.  What He endures.  What He longs for.  So I will sit, content to be “hemmed in,” while He brings me to deeper treasures and delivers me into the promised land.

The Battle for the Seed

I was watching a favorite pastor’s sermon this morning (Bishop T.D. Jakes).  His sermon was titled “The Battle for the Seed.”  What a profound thought and what perfect timing for me to hear this message.

The sermon was actually geared towards mothers, and in light of this coming Mother’s Day, I want to lift that up as the inspiration for this message.

It has been an interesting 4 years or so.  Every area of my life has been a “battle for the seed” and it was not until I heard this message that it clicked for me.  I am a mother to a 4 year-old, I have been growing a business for just over 4 years, I have been investing in a ministry for longer than that.  Little by little I have seen victory in these areas, in different seasons and at different levels.  But, for a very, very long time, it all seemed like a whole lot of hard work, heartache, trials, gutting it out and waiting.  Very little progress, much of what seemed like set-backs, losses to wholeness and relationship. 

As I was listening to Bishop T.D. Jakes, and his reference to the nurturing character of mothers, it dawned on me.  Our greatest glory and our greatest pain is imparted and inflicted through nurturing.  And, even if you are not a “mother” in the way that the world understands it, all women are mothers.  We "mother."  We take care of the people in our lives.  We fight for them.  We bleed for them.  We ache for wholeness in and with them.  We wait with them.  We carry their burdens.  We hold their hands.  We cry with them.  The Bible refers to this quality of women as Ezer Kenegdo.  This is what I am talking about.  Eve was given to Adam to be his Ezer Kenegdo.  His “lifesaver alongside” him.  We are Ezers for all of mankind.

So, when I heard this again, I realized that the pain in my life and the glory that I bear have been spend in the last handful of years battling for the seeds.  It is only now that I am seeing what was built in me during this battling process.  It is only now that I see that battling for the seeds was worth it.  And because of the degree of battle it took to fight for these seeds, I am beyond thrilled to see what will become of them.  However long I have to wait, I know that God will flood light and water upon all of it.  He will weed, tend and grow.  He will prune. He will grow in due season.  The harvest will be glorious and I look forward to the seasons of watching this extraordinary garden (Promised Land) bloom!

Deuteronomy 11:10-12

 The land you are entering to take over is not like the land of Egypt, from which you have come, where you planted your seed and irrigated it by foot as in a vegetable garden. ¹¹ But the land you are crossing the Jordan to take possession of is a land of mountains and valleys that drinks rain from heaven. ¹² It is a land the Lord your God cares for; the eyes of the Lord your God are continually on it from the beginning of the year to its end.

Warfare, Part 1: Who are we fighting against?

Spiritual Warfare is a thing that people are either very well aware of or not aware of at all.  It is a significant part of our life, even if we don’t want it to be.

The Spiritual War started before the creation of mankind.  Satan was originally known as Lucifer or the Angel of Light – he was God’s most glorious angel.  Long story short (if you don’t know the story), Satan became entranced by his own beauty, became prideful and obsessed with himself and decided that he wanted to be God.  So, he and one-third of the angels in heaven warred against God.  As result of his rebellion, he was cast out of heaven along with the other third of the angels that had rebelled.  Since then, he has become as hideous as his nature and has been at war with God and everything that God loves.

Enter mankind, Adam and Eve, who were made in the very image of God and whom God created for the very purpose of being in extraordinary relationship with Himself.  Enter the serpent (Satan) who tempted Adam and Eve to do the very thing he himself did to be cast out of heaven.  Eat of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil and you will become like God.  You will know what God knows and be like Him.

As we know, the temptation was successful and we, as the sons and daughters of Adam and Eve, fell out of perfect union with God.  God has since been at work restoring that broken relationship with us, coming after our hearts and lives at all costs (offering Jesus, His Beloved Son, as a ransom for us) in the Ultimate Campaign of restoration, redemption and victory. 

As God’s beloved, there are those of us who know we are His and a part of this battle as it rages on.  People who don't know that they are His are equally part of the battle - they just have no idea why life isn't going the way they had hoped!  God warns us that Satan is real and is our enemy, repeatedly in the Bible. 

John 10:10 is where Jesus tells us, “the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy.  And I have come that you would have life, in abundance, to the full, until it overflows.”

Then, 1 Peter 5:8-9 says:

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. ⁹ Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

Lastly, we know from Ephesians 6:10-12 who our battle is against:

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³

In these passages of Scripture, several things are clear: 1) we have an enemy; 2) he seeks to kill, steal, destroy and devour us, in any way that he can; and 3) the enemy is spiritual, not flesh and blood.

Why I have titled this blog entry “Who are we fighting against?” is because we can tend to see people in our lives as the source of the problem (because circumstances and situations are often “caused” by people).  People are responsible for their actions and that is for sure.  However, when you are struggling with a person and their bad (or even appalling) behavior, you need to pay attention to who your enemy is.  This is equally true if the person who is behaving badly is yourself!  It is not that person, rather it is the enemy of your soul and theirs, who is the enemy.  The enemy will influence people to behave badly – all people.  He will plant a seed, whisper to them reminding them of past wounds (how or who wronged them and that the wrong was maybe never “right-ed”), get them to make agreements about those wounds and who is to blame and ultimately, give the enemy (unknowingly) authority to have a stronghold in that person’s mind and heart.  That person then starts wreaking havoc out of this agreement made with the enemy, completely unaware that this is what he or she is doing.

So, what do we do about this?  I will get into more of the story later, but, for starters, look for the agreement and renounce it (if it is you) or help your brother or sister to see that they are (or might be) making an agreement.  Renouncing the agreement releases the enemy's grip and influence on the person, so that the truth and light of Jesus can heal, restore and redeem the situation (relationship, in most cases).  BUT before you even attempt to do this, go to Jesus for wisdom, pray without ceasing, wait for His prompting AND PEACE on how/what to do (if anything) and KEEP YOUR EYES ON HIM!  If you are looking anywhere else, you and anyone else involved will be in for a fall (aka “hot mess”).

Peace.

Loss

I just found out this morning on Facebook that my highschool boyfriend committed suicide a couple of nights ago.  I am definitely in shock at this news and the only word that comes to my heart is "loss."

My understanding is that he and his wife were separated in November and he has a 4 year old son.

I cannot imagine that little boy growing up without his father.  And even though I have not had a relationship with this person for over 20 years, I cannot imagine the world without him in it.

He was my first love and I was blessed to have known him.  We shared something that was unique and special and I will never forget him.  He had a winning smile, a good, pure heart and danced to the beat of his own drummer.  He did not care to fit in, he only knew how to be his true self.  And, as a result, he taught me and gave me the courage to be my true self.

I don't know much about what has happened in his life over the last 20 years, but I would like to think that the man I knew back then was who he really was.  The possibility and potential of that person was the "real" him.

I pray that the family he has left behind will run into the arms of Jesus for healing, as that is the only place to truly heal.  To find the hope to keep living, and not just surviving with the wounds of further loss from this tragedy.  And I pray that our Heavenly Father will welcome him home, where he can spend an eternity healed and set free from the pain of this world.

Letting Go of the Past

God gave me a vision about 18 months ago, that He was placing me on an “ark” of sorts, like He did with Noah in the Book of Genesis.  He was taking me on a journey, washing away the past, bringing me to a fresh start.  The fresh start including, unequivocally, a promised land.  
 

There are many things that God has revealed to me over this year and a half period.  It has been wrought with trials I never expected, periods of waiting and wondering, desperation, hope, joy and healing, and everything else you would imagine.  Waiting on an ark, wondering if you heard God right, if you have finally “lost it,” if He truly is good at His word.

One of the surprising parts of this journey has been how, even when I am focused on a future promise that is manifesting before my eyes in the present, I am still haunted by a past that no longer exists.  That God has literally washed away.  It is aggravating and embarrassing to be sitting here, in this invisible prison, and I am desperate for freedom from it.

I can tell when “the past” is operating in my present.  Here is how it looks.  A new opportunity presents itself (in work, in relationship, with my health and fitness) and my first [fleeting] reaction is joy and my second [more pervasive, lasting] reaction is hesitation and bit of anxiety.  What is up with that?  Well, the answer is clear.  Something “like this” happened in my past and a scar was left.  I am worried that I will do this new thing and it will end badly, like it did “that one time” or several times or however many times “that thing” happened.  Then, a sort of paralysis sets in.  I am reluctant to get started for fear of a repeat of the past.  Philippians 3:12-14 displays the wisdom and prize available when we let go of the past:

Philippians 3:12-14

I think I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. ¹³ No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it,^[d] but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, ¹⁴ I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

When we focus on the past, the cost is that all of our energy, hope, joy and focus on God is stolen.  What this scripture says to do is forget the past, look forward to what lies ahead and press on, FOCUSING ON THE PRIZE for which God, through Christ, IS calling us. 

This is not a complex thing to do, but a simple one.   Not necessarily an easy thing to do - clearly, it is hard or we would be doing it.  But it can be done and it is worth it.  Because it isn't worth staying in prison, when freedom is available - even if it is hard fought.  We are assured that we don't need to do this alone - God’s word assures us that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13).  I, for one, would rather practice and fight to stay focused on the prize that God has for me than continue to be enslaved to a past that does not exist anymore!

Peace and love. 

Letting Go of Fear

Fear. 

Fear is definitely something I have wrestled with a great deal in my life.  It is the one evil "spirit" that the enemy uses the most to harass and entrap me.  I believe that there is a reason that God says "Fear Not" so much in His Word.  He knows that this is a big tool of the enemy - it is one of the ways that the enemy comes to "steal, kill and destroy" us, as is stated in John 10:10.  God knows that we will be confronted with situations, people, circumstances in which our first reaction is fear.  However, He doesn't want us to be slaves to fear, as "He has come to give us LIFE, in abundance, to the full, until it overflows." (John 10:10 AMP)  

So the "fear" that I am talking about here is not the initial fear reaction, but being plagued by fear.  Fear ruling and reigning, possibly as long as days, months or even years.  With little respite.  That is the kind of fear I am talking about. 

I really sought God on  this "plagued by fear" idea, out of total desperation.  I wanted freedom from this awful thing.  Initial fear doesn't steal my joy and peace, but living under a prison sentence of fear most certainly does.  God was faithful to bring me to 1 John 4 to get a perspective on this.  He references "fear" in this scripture, and I think the fear he is talking about is the persistent state of fear versus initial fear.

1 John 4: 18 says
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

In reading this scripture, several things jump out at me: 1) that we associate fear with punishment; 2) that God uses love to drive out fear; 3) in the presence of God's love, fear literally has NO place; and 4) when we experience persistent, unrelenting fear, it is because we are NOT experiencing that God loves us (a full revelation of His love is not yet made "complete" or perfect in our hearts and minds...our experience of Him). 

Regarding 1), I absolutely associate fear with punishment.  I am afraid of punishment.  I will try to do things "perfectly" in order to avoid punishment.  And a combination of striving for perfection and the fear that I know I can never achieve perfection utterly wears me out.  And then, I stand waiting for the punishment (God's wrath, not being a good "witness" of Christ, failing as a mother, wife, friend, ministry partner, etc). This is the state that the enemy wants me to live in - the state of fear. 

All of the points above point to Jesus and the complete revelation of what He did when God sent Him to save us.  He saved us FROM DEATH and saved us TO LIFE.  Life eternal and life right now.  The John 10:10 kind of life - in abundance, to the full, until it overflows.  When the enemy can trap me in the fear of punishment, I do not get to live victoriously in my life.   

So what can we do about this?  Pray and receive.  Pray for God to soak us in the deep, abiding knowledge and experience of His Love and pray for the grace to receive it.  Pray for God to help us let go of our grip on fear, to let go of the lie that Jesus's sacrifice and resurrection was not enough to free us from the prison of fear and restore us to live a life of abundance, freedom and love.  And again, give us the grace to RECEIVE ALL OF THIS, which He lovingly and freely and completely gives.