Last year, God gave me a word that He was going to transform me from a people pleaser into a God pleaser. No small task, but if He can make the heavens and the earth and everything in them, He can certainly do that!
This came on the heels of a women's ministry that I was a part of. Long story short, I was one of the speakers at a weekend-long event and it was one of the most fulfilling experiences of my life. God was there, He showed up, blessed me and blessed others. I will never forget it. Literally, the day after the event was complete, He spoke to me: you will be a God-pleaser instead of a people-pleaser. He told me that the people pleaser was my false identity and was producing death in my life and that being a God-pleaser was my true identity and would produce life beyond my wildest dreams.
He was totally right.
Looking back, it is interesting to see how He did that big work (still in progress, of course, but much ground has been taken). He had a two-part strategy: 1) send me ample (difficult, painful) opportunities to practice being a God-pleaser instead of a people-pleaser, and 2) help me to experience and see more and more every day how much He loves me (the "agape" love He talks about in scripture which I have never fully grasped and still don't) and that "experienced" love transforming me, healing me and giving me the courage to put pleasing Him first and above ALL else.
Regarding part 1, I had to walk away from some important business and personal relationships - that was hard. He also had me confront some really dysfunctional patterns in some close, permanent relationships. And God instructed very specifically in each situation to do very different things. It was confusing and I wasn't sure that I was even hearing Him right. Plus, the walking away was painful and I have often mistaken painful as primarily a bad thing. I am learning that there are two types of suffering: good suffering and bad suffering. Bad suffering has you operating in a painful pattern that produces the same unwanted results. Good suffering (like going to the gym, fasting, etc) has you stopping or interrupting a broken pattern to a replace it with a good pattern, and produces a desired result. It only took me 36 years to learn this :)
Regarding part 2, while God was building these atrophied muscles in me (boundary setting muscles, that is), He was simulaneously showing up with His love. At first, I thought I was imagining the butterflies, the rainbows. I thought I imagined that He was wanting to just spend time with me. No agenda, just time spent together. It all felt frivolous and imaginary. Why would God send me these things? Isn't His primary objective to get me "fixed" so I can be a "service robot" for Him? I was suspicious for sure - mostly of myself and my perceptions of what I thought God was saying and doing. He even put a random vine on a tree in front of my house, that has never, ever grown there. And a clear reminder of His word - I am the vine, you are the branches (John 15:5). I am your Sole Provider, I am your Protector, I am Your Vindicator and Redeemer. You are my daughter with whom I am well pleased....and so on, and so on.
He sent me love notes, He sent me spectacular sunrises and sunsets. Too many love notes to count, but I kept and savored them all. He sent me to a group of women that I meet with weekly, who wanted to talk about all of the things He has done and is doing in our lives, who are real, who are seeking after Him with their whole hearts. He lead us to grow closer to Him through all kinds of new ways of seeking Him: through our senses (touch, taste, see, hear, feel), He lead us to some teaching materials about meditative prayer (this is scriptural, by the way) and experiencing Him as REAL. So many other things He did in this last year and continues to do.
I can tell you that I now experience my true identity as God-pleaser (with only traces of people-pleaser yet to be transformed) and that I am experiencing much more life in my life than I did this time last year. God has been faithful. And ALL of the glory goes to Him.
He told me that this year is the year of FUN, peace and joy! And I cannot wait to see what He will do to bring that about. So far, he has been accomplishing this through a combination of discipline (obeying Him in some specific areas, namely money and health) AND play/celebration. But, stay tuned because it's only February...
May you be blessed by the knowledge of how wide, high and deep God's love truly is for you today.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Choose Life
I have been struggling a fair amount in the last month with spiritual warfare. If you are not a subscriber to the belief that: 1) Satan is real and 2) he hates us and actively pursues and attacks us in an effort to steal, kill and destroy us and our lives (John 10:10), then don't read on, because you won't be pleased with my position on it and I don't desire to argue about it.
If you do subscribe to this position, read on and see if you can get something out of it :)
In my time with God this morning, I repented that I have forgetten that He is bigger than my problems and circumstances, and a result, I have been choosing death instead of life - and that is EXACTLY what the enemy of my soul wants me to do. The fruit of that has been panic, fear, dread and hopelessness. Did I mention the sensation of a burning hot coal in my chest? You get the picture...
Deuteronomy 30:19 says:
This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live
God clearly states in His word here in Deuteronomy that He has set before us [me] life and death, blessings and curses. Then he goes on to say "Now choose life." And then there is the "why:" so that you and your children may live.
This is a rich word and one I want to meditate on. Every day of our lives, we are confronted with life and death and I wonder how often we are aware that we get to choose which way we will have it. Often, we don't experience that we have a choice. We experience that we are more reactionaries or victims of circumstance, rather than people that actively choose. If I am honest with myself, I tend to see myself not as the chooser of life or death, but the chosen of life or death. If it's a good day, life has chosen me. If it is a bad day, death has chosen me.
Let me say more about what I mean by life and death, for purposes of this conversation.
I am thinking of choices that we make that, in essence, produce the spiritual fruit of life and death. "Life" is aliveness. When I picture myself being alive, I get an image of myself in warm weather, soaking up the sun, smelling green things growing (praise God for spring!). All of that imagery gives me the sense of peace, joy, well-being. That is life - that is aliveness. When I am not experience life this way, I am in the other camp: "death." With death, there is coldness, aloneness and decay.
I have been mostly living in "death" camp for the last month with glimmers of "life" here and there. And the experience has been curse and the fruit has been coldness, aloneness and decay.
So, here is the rub: how do we choose life when we find ourselves in a difficult situation? If the situation is difficult, how can we choose life instead of letting death choose us?
I don't know the answer to this - I don't know if there is AN answer. What I do know is that I have struggled with being a "performance-based" person most of my life. So, I am cautious (always) to jump in and fix myself with "doing." What I know is you have to start with going straight to the throne for help. I want to live and I want my children (and my children's children) to live. I want to learn to choose life well, so that I can experience the fruits of the Spirit more often than not (Galatians 5:22 says: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control). Again, I know that this won't come through my works or my performance. It will only come through belief that God can make this progress in me. The fruits of the Spirit are just that - fruits of the SPIRIT.
Jesus says in John 15:5 that He is the vine and I am the branch and that apart from Him, I can do nothing.
It will be the challenge of my life to keep remembering that and living it out, holding His hand and walking with Him all the way. But I trust that He can do all things through me.
Peace to you all.
If you do subscribe to this position, read on and see if you can get something out of it :)
In my time with God this morning, I repented that I have forgetten that He is bigger than my problems and circumstances, and a result, I have been choosing death instead of life - and that is EXACTLY what the enemy of my soul wants me to do. The fruit of that has been panic, fear, dread and hopelessness. Did I mention the sensation of a burning hot coal in my chest? You get the picture...
Deuteronomy 30:19 says:
This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live
God clearly states in His word here in Deuteronomy that He has set before us [me] life and death, blessings and curses. Then he goes on to say "Now choose life." And then there is the "why:" so that you and your children may live.
This is a rich word and one I want to meditate on. Every day of our lives, we are confronted with life and death and I wonder how often we are aware that we get to choose which way we will have it. Often, we don't experience that we have a choice. We experience that we are more reactionaries or victims of circumstance, rather than people that actively choose. If I am honest with myself, I tend to see myself not as the chooser of life or death, but the chosen of life or death. If it's a good day, life has chosen me. If it is a bad day, death has chosen me.
Let me say more about what I mean by life and death, for purposes of this conversation.
I am thinking of choices that we make that, in essence, produce the spiritual fruit of life and death. "Life" is aliveness. When I picture myself being alive, I get an image of myself in warm weather, soaking up the sun, smelling green things growing (praise God for spring!). All of that imagery gives me the sense of peace, joy, well-being. That is life - that is aliveness. When I am not experience life this way, I am in the other camp: "death." With death, there is coldness, aloneness and decay.
I have been mostly living in "death" camp for the last month with glimmers of "life" here and there. And the experience has been curse and the fruit has been coldness, aloneness and decay.
So, here is the rub: how do we choose life when we find ourselves in a difficult situation? If the situation is difficult, how can we choose life instead of letting death choose us?
I don't know the answer to this - I don't know if there is AN answer. What I do know is that I have struggled with being a "performance-based" person most of my life. So, I am cautious (always) to jump in and fix myself with "doing." What I know is you have to start with going straight to the throne for help. I want to live and I want my children (and my children's children) to live. I want to learn to choose life well, so that I can experience the fruits of the Spirit more often than not (Galatians 5:22 says: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control). Again, I know that this won't come through my works or my performance. It will only come through belief that God can make this progress in me. The fruits of the Spirit are just that - fruits of the SPIRIT.
Jesus says in John 15:5 that He is the vine and I am the branch and that apart from Him, I can do nothing.
It will be the challenge of my life to keep remembering that and living it out, holding His hand and walking with Him all the way. But I trust that He can do all things through me.
Peace to you all.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Welcome!
I have been feeling the writing bug coming on lately and sought God on what the theme of my writing about Him and me would be. Over the last year especially, He has reminded me of Matthew 7: 14 which says "Small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it" (NIV version; see Matthew 7:12-14 in context). I am stirred with curiousity and anticipation at the richness of that Word.
I think when I first "read" this passage, I thought more about salvation than about the word "life." God is constantly providing fresh revelation about His Word, so for now, I am going to camp a little bit on what He means when He says "life."
This blog is meant to capture my journey with God towards the "life" He has planned, one step at a time.
I think when I first "read" this passage, I thought more about salvation than about the word "life." God is constantly providing fresh revelation about His Word, so for now, I am going to camp a little bit on what He means when He says "life."
This blog is meant to capture my journey with God towards the "life" He has planned, one step at a time.
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